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Mommy is a Psychopath! How parental mental illness impacts the children.

Nov 19, 2011 • 1 comment • 11739 views
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Psychopaths 

also known as Sociopaths, have personality disorders, characterized by their use of charm, manipulation, deception, and lack of remorse for their continual vomiting of cruelty towards others. They tend to ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving their playing field littered with massive chaos and destruction and they maintain a grandiose sense of entitlement.  "They selfishly take what they want, and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret (Robert D. Hare, Ph.D.)." Because Psychopaths are master manipulators and typically wear cloaks of deceipt to mask their true identity, it is often difficult to recognize them, unless you have the great misfortune of living in their household. It is their immediate family members that are able to see inside of their real world, however, it is the immediate family members who are manipulated the most; and their world of chaos soon becomes their norm. Psychopaths choose their prey very carefully. Some typical characteristics of 

The types of people they choose as mates or potential victims

include: lonely (often re-bounding from a hurtful relationship or not currently involved in a satisfying relationship), financially stable, have good credit, believe in the basic goodness of others, do not consider themselves very attractive or have a lower self-esteem, enjoy helping others, are not street-wise, are typically very nice people, and believe in honoring their commitments. They choose people with these characteristics because they are easy to manipulate, thus the psychopath is able to more easily con them into both believing they are someone else and that they are less than they think they are. Before long, they are able to convince their mates that they need them in their lives; they classically will build them up and then start tearing them down. 

Psychopaths have a Master Plan

which is to train you into believing they are right and you are wrong, to control and isolate you so that close friends and family members are not around to expose their cracks, and to then use you to elevate their own miserable life. When they have finished beating you down, you are easily cast aside and become their biggest enemy, and your biggest nightmare. People that finally are able to muster up the strength to separate from the Psycho, have described their experience as having looked into the eyes of Satan. If they are lucky, they are able to exit the relationship without children. However, a psychopath's web of deception is so cleverly spun, that many times having children and stringing along the relationship with false love and hope is part of their masterplan, with the ultimate goal of getting as much from their victim as possible, by any and all means necessary. 

Children are negatively affected in many ways.

They experience the grave dysfunction from infancy, thus tend to believe that their home life is normal. Psychopaths tend to isolate their victims from normal and loving people, thus it becomes difficult for their children to understand that what they continually live with is far from normal. Psychopaths tend to be very controlling and emotionally flat. They will only accept their own warped standards, and will insist that every body else live by them. When the family members resist, then the psychopath snaps, making their lives a living hell. Children become scapegoats and tend to believe that they are causing many of the problems in the household. In turn, they tend to grow up to have anxiety disorders and lower self-esteem. Parents that are psychopaths are usually  overly attached, viewing their kids as their personal objects and  overly involved in their children's lives. They are very controlling, and when the child begins resisting their overbearing control, the psycho parent will, in turn, make their lives a living hell, using harsh punishment in order to bring them back under their control. The punishment will not fit the crime, as the crime is all conjured up in their sick mind. They cannot allow people to be "normal," as they have a need to manipulate them and mold them into exactly whom they want them to be.

 

As a result of the constant abuse (whether it be emotional cruelty or cross over to physical abuse), approximately 25% of the children end up with mental illness themselves, at least to some degree (anxiety disorders , depression, or become psychopaths themselves). Many children of psychopaths become very angry, raging, and begin striking out at others or turn to self-injury (S. Van Volkingburgh, MSW, 2004).

The best thing that one can do is run as far away from a Psychopath as one can, as fast as possible, without looking back.

If that is impossible, because children are involved, it is very important that the following occurs:

1.  The sane parent must leave the Psychopath in order to try to save the children, as well as themselves. It is the only way that the children will have the opportunity to be exposed to normalcy and it is the only way that the children will have a safe haven.

2.  Ensure that the children know what to do if their Psychotic parent makes them feel unsafe (i.e. threatens them with physical harm or actually becomes violent). 

3.  Ensure that the children have phone numbers for responsible adults, in the event that you cannot be reached in a time of crisis. 

4.  Make sure that the children understand that their other parent has a problem that they cannot solve, and a problem that is NOT their fault.

5.  Explain, cautiously, that they cannot make their parent better, but that you can make sure they are safe.

6.  Document and follow-up on issues that concern them about the other parent; do not hesitate to report abuse (both emotional and physical) to Child Protective Services, especially if it is severe. It is better to protect the child's present and their future than to hide the abuse and have the child become an adult mental health statistic.

7.  Make sure that for every unkind, negative and demeaning word they hear from their psych parent, that you counter it with love, encouragement and praise. It is your job as their parent to lift them up so that they do not crash down.

8.  Do whatever you have to do to protect them and give them the best life possible; if you could no longer survive with the Psychopath, do not expect that they will be able to.

9.  Seek therapy as needed, for every one that needs it. You will need to acquire new tools so that you never place yourself in a positon of vulnerability again.

10. Help your children identify a normal, loving relationship so that they will have less risk of accepting the same type of relationship for themselves.

 

There is not a cure or a magic pill for a Psychopath. Their brains are not wired correctly and they will not accept help. They enjoy snaring their next prey after they have destroyed and dumped their old one.

Value your life enough to muster up the strength to move on. Protect your children so that they have a chance for the peace and normalcy that they undoubtedly deserve.

Also appears in:

The Real World



Comments
my exwife was a handful...allways thought i could make her better.. it wasnt all ways bad..she would take her meds,, feel normal start telling me she wasnt crazy..and stop taking them cold turkey.. then all hell would break loose.. she has woke me up wiyh guns to my head knives to my throat etc.. she would freak out on the kids when i wasnt around..cps even got involved when my oldest son went to school and told on his mom..hes dead now. she went to the heavan a battered abuse woman shelter told them we were not married.. that i didnt live there and that i raped her and beat her..so the haven put a tpo order on me and kicked me and our 3 yr old out. she gave us a small tv and my old nintendos for the baby and three wal mart bags of cloths.. police wouldnt let me get the babys cloths toys security blanket heart monitor or breathing machine. i went and filed for a divorce/.. the judge pulled my ex and the haven spokesperson to the side wanting to know why i asked for a divorce..that we were not married according to them.. he came back in and made there tpo order good.. a year later in a temporary hearing she tells the judge i raped and beat the 3yr old as well and was allowing my friends.. he took him from me.. she is now dating a cop in enigma georgia..and my oldest son lives with me...every year around oct 24 she goes to trying to kill herself so my oldest son was worried about her tried several times to call and check on her.. keep fussing with her bf.. i told him stop.. he wont let you talk with your mom so i called 911 told them about her suicidal tendencies and asked she call my oldest son.. one hr later her ;friend; from police dept calls me cusses me out then lies on a warrent he issues for me right then to have me arrested.. he told me in our telephone conversation that my oldest son was a p.o.s and a lying little mother f***** he was there while he was trying to calll his mom.. but lied in the warrent saying i was the one that was calling..and filed family violence charges against me.. i need help this is killing my kids..i took them to satilla childs advocacy center and they wanted to set up forensic interviews for my kids..but because of the dangers to my children and the little girl my exs bf molested that my son has the text messages from the little girl crying.. and the fact they were giving my kids and others drugs..they wanted the berrien county shrfs dept permission before they would investigate... the shrfs dept will not give them permission to talk with the kids
12.04.13 •
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